Anand Karaj: Lavaan: The Sikh Marriage Ceremony

There is a search that every human being goes through in life. It is a search so primal, so instinctual in us that endless songs have been sung about it. Plays written. Paintings painted. Philosophies expounded. It is an urge so strong that we are willing to lay down our lives for a taste of it. To leave the known completely behind and plunge into turbulence and chaos for it.

It is the search for Love.

And if there is one experience that can create bitterness, hatred, disappointment, or vengeance stronger than any other experience – it is when what we thought was Love disappoints us. Betrays us. Plays a game with us. I have written this before in other essays. And I write it again now. If there is ever a nuclear war, the moment that the first button for the first warhead gets pushed, the real cause behind it will be a person whose heart was simply so broken that life meant nothing anymore. And all the politics to justify it will just be the excuse.

This search for love that we play out with each other is one of the most powerful forces on earth. And yet we spend more time and energy learning how to drive an automobile than we do understanding how to manage and harness the longing for love, the pursuit of it, and the fulfillment of it.

Thank God Guru Ram Das showed us a way.

In the Engagement Shabads, Guru Ram Das gives us a way to prepare ourselves for marriage. Both the earthly marriage of husband and wife, and the heavenly marriage of the soul with the Divine One.

In the Lavaan, Guru Ram Das continues the lessons. Giving us practical instructions on the attitude one needs to have towards marriage. On the gifts that can come when the marriage is based on following the teachings of the Shabad Guru. And, by the Fourth Round, expressing the tremendous ecstasy that happens when, through marriage, we learn to merge into Love.

For the last couple of months, I have slowly been working on a translation of the Lavaan. Which is not perfect – but which I am grateful to share with you today.

What did working on this translation show me?

That society is based on the family. And if we truly want to have a peaceful, loving society, that begins with purity in the relationships between men and women. It isn’t possible that the connection and communication between men and women can be unkind, deceptive, confused, exploitive, game-playing – and then somehow there will be peace in the world. What happens at the global level is an amplification of what happens each and every day between the smallest pieces, so to speak. The simple and humble relationships that we cherish and hold most dear.

The fundamental reality that the Guru teaches is that the Light of the One dwells in all. We need to recognize it in ourselves first, and then recognize it in each other. And when our mating rituals take place in that Truth, in that Reality, then the frequency of peace and awareness it creates can bring the Divine down from the Heavens. Can cause Heaven and Earth to merge into One.

Marriage is not about what we desire. It’s not a promise that life will unfold according to our dreams, to what we want, to what we hope for. The Sikh marriage is a commitment to work out our karmas together under the Guru’s guidance, protection and instruction. That is the work that brings us to Anand – to bliss – to the state where every action reflects the reality of the soul. Not that we should be rich or not rich, have status or not, be successful in the world or not, have children or not. It’s a total surrender. We give ourselves to the Guru, we clear our karmas together, and in that process, our awareness changes, our consciousness changes, and the Love of the One is born within us. Together we merge into that Love, that One. That is where marriage can take us, if we commit to each other and to the path and teachings of the Shabad Guru.

The Anand Karaj and the Anand Sahib are also very related. Marriage is the work by which the adults realize the state of Anand. And the Anand Sahib is the guidance given by Guru Amar Das to the child about how to live life from the purity of the self. Parents and children together, as a family, as a unit, pursuing this study of how to live in the world from the reality of their own Spirit. If successful, that family unit would become so complete, so satisfied – there would be nothing outside of itself that it needed. These souls, at the Guru’s feet, clearing their karmas, building a life of truth, compassion, service and understanding. What a world would come from such a family.

What a world once came from those kinds of families.

Maybe I am idealizing a bit. I know I have a tendency to do that. But maybe for me, and for the countless people in the world who wished their upbringing could have been a little more peaceful…maybe this vision of a family developing Anand as a central part of their life…maybe that just seems like a promise of hope….for the future…

Marriage to create the security for the family that here, in this house, the Guru reigns and the blossoming of the soul’s destiny is the highest priority.

This translation is so pale and paltry compared to the original Gurmukhi. Guru Ram Das’s words are so powerful and mystical. There is so much happening in just a few words. And also between the lines – how they relate to each other and reference each other. It’s difficult to capture all that is being conveyed in translation. It’s as if Guru Ram Das is writing a ceremony of initiation into a totally different mystical reality. So please forgive if this reads too weak in places. There was no way to capture all that’s there in the original.

Here, for better or for worse, is my own humble attempt to translate the indescribably beautiful instructions of Guru Ram Das’s Lavaan.

Guru Ram Das’s Lavaan
Siri Guru Granth Sahib
Page 773-774

Oh Divine One
Within all

In this First Round
Of the marriage ceremony

We completely commit
To living a life
Filled with worldly duties
And obligations.

Darling One
Who created
The balance and union
Of the Sun
And the Moon.

The Divine Frequency
Reflected and captured in scripture
Says
Commit to Dharma –
To the path of compassionate
Truthful living.

This will allow you
To turn your back
On those habits of mind
Which bring pain
To yourself and to others.

Darling One
Who created
The balance and union
Of the Sun
And the Moon.

Commit completely
To Dharma –
To the path of compassionate,
Truthful living.

Meditate
On the Divine
Within everything

And the Divine Identity
Within yourself.

The sacred books
Say

Commit
To your Divine Identity.

The Sound of Wisdom
That takes you to Truth
Is the perfect Guide
And Teacher.

Have reverence for this Sound.
Respect and meditate on it
Always.

The painful memories
In your subconscious mind
Created from the mistakes
You’ve made,
And the harm
You’ve done
Will be destroyed.

Your life will flow
With ease.

And your inner reality
And outer reality
Will merge
In endless bliss.

By tremendous good fortune
The mind
Has become attached
To the sweetness
Of the Divine Essence
Continually present
In all.

Servant Naanak says
In the First Round
We have begun
To create
This sacred life work. (1)

Oh Divine One
Within all

In this Second Round
Of the marriage ceremony

We intermingle our being
With the Sat Guru –
The Sound of Wisdom
That guides us to Truth

And we acknowledge
This Sound of Wisdom
As our perfect protector.

Darling One
Who created
The balance and union
Of the Sun
And the Moon.

The fear in our mind
Gives into
The Fearless One

Destroying our egocentricity
Which creates so much filth
Inside us.

Darling One
Who created
The balance and union
Of the Sun
And the Moon.

Unpolluted fear
Arises

(The fear of the Inner Being
To not reach
Its destination).

We sing,
Celebrating the qualities
Of the Divine Essence
Within all.

We see
The Divine Essence
Within all

And this happens
By being in the
Presence
Of the Power
That balances and unites
The Sun
And the Moon

The Lover
And her Beloved.

The Divine Identity
Inside me
Sees that Power
In all my surroundings.

The Master of Creation
Resides complete and full
In all.

Within
And without

We intermingle our being
With that One
Infinite Lord.

As servants
Of the Divine
We sing
With absolute happiness.

Servant Naanak,
By walking
The Second Round

The Unstruck Sound
That cuts through the ego
Resounds. (2)

Oh Divine One
Within all

In the Third Round
Of the marriage ceremony

The mind
Transcends its attachments
And becomes filled
With light and love.

Darling One
Who created
The balance and union
Of the Sun
And the Moon.

The saintly servants
Intermingle their being
With the Divine

And by tremendous fortune
Come to receive
The Divine Essence
Inside themselves.

Darling One
Who created
The balance and union
Of the Sun
And the Moon.

Through the experience
Of the Divine Essence
We find
Our own purity.

Singing of the
Virtues and qualities
Of the Divine

Our own mouths speak
In the Divine Frequency.

By tremendous fortune
The saintly servants
Receive this experience
And they talk about
The Infinite, Indescribable story.

Within my heart
The Divine beats
Continuously.

The melody
Of Infinity
Grows within us

By meditatively repeating
Har
The Essence of the Divine
Within.

What an amazing destiny
Is on our foreheads
Oh Beloved One.

Servant Naanak
Declares
That in this
Third Round

The experience
Of the Divine Essence
Takes root
Inside of us,
Oh my Beloved,

And the mind
Becomes free. (3)


Oh Divine One
Within all

In the Fourth Round
Of the marriage ceremony

Through the experience
Of the Divine Essence
Inside of ourselves

The mind
Has surrendered
To the Universal Flow
And lives in ease.

Darling One
Who created
The balance and union
Of the Sun
And the Moon.

The one who flows
With the integrity
Of the Teacher’s words

Intermixes her being
Easily
With that Divine Essence.

By fixing her attention
On the Divine

Her mind and body
Are made sweet.

Darling One
Who created
The balance and union
Of the Sun
And the Moon.

Fixing her attention
On the Divine Essence
Within the Creation
Sweetness comes.

My Lord and Master
Is pleased.

Night and day
I live totally attuned
To the Divine Essence
Through Love.

The thoughts
Of the mind
Have realized
The fruit –

The Master of Creation.

The Divine
Causes
Its Identity within me
To play the music
Of the Infinite
Stronger and stronger.

The Divine Essence in all,
The Transcendent Lord,
The Coordination Consciousness

They are the One
Doing
All of this work.

The wealth
Of absolute happiness
Comes into my heart
Through the Divine Spirit
Within me.

Naanak declares
In the Fourth Round

By receiving the experience
Of the Divine Essence

We find union with
Our Invincible
Undying Lord. (4)